When you practice the tendency to put others happiness before your own you’re bound to make sacrifices.  Making sacrifices is never easy, especially when your acts of selflessness go unacknowledged, but sometimes that’s life.  Nice guys have always finished last so there’s no point in complaining just because I can’t keep pace. It just means this isn’t my race. And the way I see it, there isn’t anything to complain about really.  Being in this situation I’ve gained a lot of experience with patience and understanding.  I’m living and learning and making the best out of nothing I guess.

Where you at sun?

“Not down for a one night stand
I ain’t a one night man
I’m a whole life span.”

I don’t fucking understand.  Honestly, there was never enough done for you to say any of the things I heard you said.  I run it in my mind over and over, I try and play it back trying to gain some perspective on where you were coming from but none of it adds up.

I always used to say that I wished that you knew where I was coming from, but lately I just wanna know where you are coming from.  I used to think you came from nowhere but apparently you have something to base all these stories you’re saying so fuck.  Nothing you say makes any sense.  None of your stories or proclomations seem credible in respects to your actions, my actions, and what we’ve been through. 

Like I’ve always been about my shit when it comes this.  I may not have been on top of my game with it, but my intentions and where I stood on the matter has always been concrete.  Iono either way these past few months have been interestingly enlightening.

You’ve created many misconceptions about me which I still can’t seem to put my finger on but hey whatever.  I respect the downfall.

not only did I coerce with the enemy but I found reason to not even try.  These past 2 days have been the most eye opening days to say the least.  To add onto the stress and helplessness i’ve been feeling this entire month I was told to cut out the one thing I had put hope and faith into.  Optimistism is a foreign feeling that I’m forced to yearn for. 

Although these past 2 ina half weeks have been the only thing to bring a smile to my face, reality remains unscathed.  As the sun rises, everything that I’m worried, stressed, and/or burden with slowly creeps back into my mental vista and I’m forced to stand face to face with my everest and deal with the dilemma it brings me. 

I can only hope and dream.. To be honest it’s all I ever knew.  And now that I think about it that’s what’s made me so vulnerable.  My hopes and dreams have built up expectations that my mind and heart can’t handle.  I’ve played out so many scenarios, so many presumptions about how things should go and how they should play out but still the truth remains the same.

Honestly, I don’t know what else to do.  I’m just stuck in this conundrum of a predicament because even when things seem ideal I’m still left here empty handed.  At times when I think the time is right, I come to find that now is probably the worst time.  That being the case, it makes me question my own judgment and question my gut on how things should be going. 

I’m buzzed and I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying all I know is that after these past 2 days I’m disappointed.  Disappointed in myself for not being able to read between the lines and disappointed in others for leading my weary heart astray.  Either way I’m still just left here.  Fucking here though.  I’ve been here for too long and to keep it lit I’m fucking sick of it.  I hate being here.  I hate being where I am because I know what I’m capable of and I know everything I can do.  fuckket though.  God has a plan and I trust him enough to help guide me to where my happiness is. 

Fuck.

Please be patient with me.  Just know I wanna do this right so I don’t want to rush with this and do anything half assed.



I pray I don’t miss again.

I’m the farthest thing from perfect..   and I’m lovin it.




I can respect the downfall because love will bring me back.

You’re right.  And after seeing how you interpret and distinguish the situation makes me appreciate you that much more.  To go into it a little more thoroughly myself I can honestly say things are never bad with you.  With you comes guarenteed smiles, countless laughs, and positive vibes.  Yeah, things aren’t as clear and concise as we may hope them to be but maybe that’s one of the key elements as to why this thing is so special.

Iono all I’m tryna say is I respect you and I’m thankful you’re you.

1.  I feel bad that things are awkward now.  I feel the resentment, but trust, even though there were slightly selfish intentions in the thing I did I was thinking of the bigger picture the entire time.  So consider this our rough patch for now, but please believe that you’ll understand from my point of view later on why I did and why I’m doing what I’m doing.  But nonetheless, I’m sorry.

2.  Game recognize game.  There were a few things I was concerned about from the beginning.  A few things that jumped at me from the start about you that I knew would be something I’d have to watch out for and be worried about.  And assss expected you definitely proved me right.  Just know that I’ve seen through you from the get and I won’t play this game where you can have your cake and eat it too.  Shit don’t sit right with me asshole. 

3.  Hmm.  I find our friendship to be helllla interesting.  Last time I wrote about you I was apologizing, but now I realize I really have nothing to apologize for.  To say sorry about what happened is kind of ina way admitting regret, but honestly that’s completely opposite of what I should have been feeling.  Kicking it with you know I’ve learned new stages of humility and appreciation and how beneficial going with the flow and living through living can be.  Despite what happened and the fact that I doubt we’ll ever talk about it or bring it up, you’re one of my favorite people to kick it with.  There’s never a dull moment with you and I hella enjoy choppin it up witchu

4.  We’re drifting.. ish.  I mean it’s cool I think it’s just because of how busy I’ve been lately but I’ma start doing a lot more to make sure I don’t lose the closeness with a friend like you.

5.  Honestly I just want you to be as humble and appreciative with everything as I am.  Knowing you, that may prove to be quite the challenge but I have faith.  Something you deserve a lot more of.

6.  You’re as distant as my dreams.

7.  Things aren’t going to be the same without you man.

8.  Fuck twilight.

We just Crumblin Erb